Infertility’s Continuous Change Cycle – Moving into Square Two

The Four Squares of the Change Cycle

In last week’s post I introduced the concept of the change cycle as described by Dr. Martha Beck.  I talked about the difficulties of Square One – the death and rebirth phase of the change cycle.  This week I want to talk about what happens as you move out of the pain of Square One and begin to venture into the light of Square Two.

Square Two
Martha Beck describes Square Two as a dreaming and scheming phase in which you begin to feel hopeful again.  This is a time when you find you’re grieving less and smiling more.  It’s a time when you’re starting to dream about the future again.  This square is where you get your groove back.

In terms of infertility, when you get to this square you’ve moved through the worst of the grief of a miscarriage or a failed IVF procedure or other catalytic fertility event.  You’ve come through the fire and stepped into the light.  You may find yourself considering the possibility of trying to get pregnant again.  You may find yourself feeling hopeful about making a move toward adoption or living child-free.  Or, you may just find yourself creating a brand new plan of action.  Just the simple fact that you’re feeling hope and considering possibilities indicates you’re in Square Two and that the worst of Square One is behind you.

What to Do In Square Two
Square Two is a time for digging down deep to figure out what you really want.  It’s a time for introspection, research, imagining, goal setting and planning.  One of the best things you can do during this phase is to tap into your body as you consider your options.  Sit quietly and bring to mind the image of pursuing one course of action.  For example, bring to mind going through the steps of an IVF cycle.  Picture doing the injections, the egg retrieval, the embryo transfer,…everything.  And as you consider each element, pay attention to your body’s sensations.  When you bring an element to mind does it feel freeing or imprisoning?  Does your body get light or heavy?  Do you feel expansion or contraction?  Quiet your mind and listen because your body is telling you which option is right for you – it’s your own internal navigation system.  The problem is we get so caught up in our thoughts that it’s hard to hear what our bodies are trying to tell us.  So be careful of your mind telling you “We have to get pregnant fast” or “We can’t afford it.”  Your mind will try and distract you from hearing your body – don’t let it.

Square Two of the change cycle is a time for dreaming about the future, making the choice that’s right for you and beginning to create a plan for getting there.  Once you have a plan you will be moving into the implementation phase of Square Three.  I’ll tell you all about that phase in my next post.  In the meantime, go forth and dream.