In last week’s post I discussed Square Two of Dr. Martha Beck’s change cycle. To recap, we are always moving through one of the four squares of change in every area of our lives. Square One is the meltdown phase where you suffer greatly as your old idea of yourself burns up. Once you’ve grieved and suffered enough in Square One, you make your way into Square Two where you begin to dream about your future and play around with your options. This week I’ll describe what happens when you leave the dreamtime of Square Two and cross over into the real world action of Square Three.
Square Three
Square Three is the nuts-and-bolts “doing” phase of the change cycle. This is where you take action on what you uncovered during your Square Two dreaming and scheming. Martha Beck calls Square Three “The Hero’s Saga” because it’s always much harder than we think it will be. Always.
In terms of infertility, when you move into this square you’ve already got a plan of action. In Square Two you decided what you wanted to do and spent some time researching it. Square Three is where you actually do it. Let’s say you decided in Square Two that you’re ready to adopt. You spent some time doing internet research and maybe talking to a friend or two who have adopted. You both know it’s the right decision for you. Well, Square Three is where you actually move into action and begin the adoption process. Seems like it would be pretty easy, right? Don’t be fooled,…it’s not easy. But it is essential to move through this square if you ever want to achieve the goal.
What to Do In Square Three
Square Three is a time for breaking down large, daunting tasks into a series of smaller, more manageable steps. Let’s go back to the example of deciding to adopt. Adopting a child may seem like an enormous and scary goal, but what you’ll find is that everything becomes easy when you break it down into small chunks. So, begin by listing all the main components of the adoption process such as: deciding on domestic or foreign, choosing an agency or lawyer, filling out paperwork, completing a home study, etc. Once you have the larger tasks listed out in more or less chronological order, it’s time to break each of those into smaller steps. Then continue breaking down each task into smaller and smaller steps. Each mini-step should feel good to you and not at all overwhelming. As you complete each mini-task you will be another tiny step closer to your end goal –and that’s how you get there – one tiny step at a time. This process can be applied to whatever you’ve decided to do – IVF, using an egg donor, deciding to live childfree, trying to conceive on your own using natural methods, etc. Virtually everything can be broken down into smaller steps.
Square Three of the change cycle is a time for implementation and action, but it can be a very frustrating time filled with starts and stops. You’ll probably feel like it’s two steps forward and four steps back. You’ll have to adjust your plan several times along the way. It’s all okay! Be prepared for Square Three to be much harder than you thought it would be. Be ready for it to feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle. But know in your heart that you will persevere and make it to the goal. And when you do, you will sashay into the promised land of Square Four a savvier, smarter and stronger person. More about that square next time!