Over the past few week’s I’ve been describing each of the four squares of Martha Beck’s change cycle. So far, we’ve talked about the pain and suffering of Square One, the returning hope and joy of Square Two and the tough nuts and bolts work of Square Three. Today I’m going to talk about the fourth and final phase of the change cycle – the promised land of Square Four!
As I explained week or so ago, Square Three is the change-cycle phase in which you take action toward your goals and dreams. It’s a phase characterized by massive activity and the work is typically much harder than you thought it would be. Let’s talk about what happens when your hard work pays off and you begin to move into Square Four.
Square Four
You’ll know you’re in Square Four when the hard work, endless activity and uphill climbing of Square Three is mostly over and the ride is smoothing out. Martha refers to Square Four as “the promised land” because it’s the phase when things are working the way you want them to. In other words, Square Four is the ultimate goal.
For those of us struggling to conceive, Square Four begins when we get pregnant. It’s where we end up after all the endless research, doctor’s appointments, injections, surgeries, drugs, testing, decisions and procedures of Square Three are behind us. We’ve finally reached our goal of getting pregnant and we’ll stay in the comfort of Square Four as long as we sustain a healthy pregnancy.
What to Do In Square Four
If you’re solidly in Square Four (and I sincerely hope you make it there), it’s time to take a deep breath, set down your bags and relax. It’s a time to enjoy the fruits of your Square Three efforts. This is not a time to make any big changes or huge moves. Rather, it’s a time for small moves, slight corrections and minor adjustments. It’s a time to kick back, savor and enjoy – you deserve it.
Sadly, many of us dealing with infertility will get pregnant but be unable to sustain the pregnancy to term. That means we may meander into Square Four for a bit. We may even set down our bags, sit down and breathe a sigh of relief, but then the pregnancy may falter or even end; sending us right back into the fire of Square One. If this happens (and I truly hope it doesn’t) you must gently remind yourself (amidst your anger, fear and sadness) that your feelings are normal. That you’re just back in Square One again. Then, immediately re-read my Square One article so you remember what to do while you’re there.
Infertility and the Continuous Cycle of Change
If you’ve read all four articles in my change-cycle series you’ve probably noticed that infertility continuously buffets women between the four squares of change. Often, we travel through the first three squares every 28 days or so. That’s part of what makes fertility issues so difficult and so emotional, but it’s also what makes us really good, savvy travelers. Our bags are packed at all times and we never get too comfortable in any one square. We know that change is predictable and a normal part of life and we get really good at dealing with it. I hope that these past few change-cycle posts make your inevitable journey through the squares just a little bit easier.